Monday, February 7, 2011

I want to.......

I want to be able to experience so many things. I cant imagine how it would feel to look at my baby on the ultrasound, to hear a heartbeat and know that it belongs to me. I want to hold my baby for the first time, I want me and Anthony to experience the joy of being parents together. I would love to paint and decorate a nursery in blue or pink. I want to have a baby shower and know it is for me this time. I want to bring my baby home for the first time. I cant imagine how it would feel to hear my baby crying and wake me up at night. To rock my baby back to sleep. I want to see Anthony being a father, I know he will be a wonderful daddy. He is such a loving person that loves kids, I can hardly wait. I want to go into the baby section when I go shopping and be able to but something for my own child, and not feel like my heart is breaking everytime I go by this section. I want to teach my child about the Lord, and take it to church. I want to watch it grow and become the beautiful person it was meant to be. I know that God is able to do this, and I really want this dream of mine to come true. Sometimes I dont know how much longer I can wait. I just really really want this.

5 comments:

Faithful Leigh said...

This is such a beautiful post and entry. I feel the same way. When Mark and I were fostering those three week old kittens, I was able to see him as a daddy. He had no issues getting up at 2am to make bottles for their feedings. He had no issues waking up to rub their bellies and he had no issues cleaning them up after going potty. I know he is going to make a wonderful father. This journey is hard, but it will be worth it. I refuse to believe that God gave me the desire to be a mother without the ability.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to you on many different levels. I too, long for the day that my husband and I can share the excitement of a positive pregnancy and all the joy that follows from that very instant!

Stacey said...

Hi Samantha,
Just want you to know that I'm still praying for you. I understand that ache, and that was my reality for nine long years before God answered my prayer for a child. Thinking of you as you wait on Him, and praying that your strength will be renewed. (Isaiah 40:31)

My Quest said...

You will, you will,
Faithful is he who has promised and will bring it bring it to pass.
I am expecting now afI once after 6 and 1/2 years of trying, I once longed for all you did not its a reality.
Just hang in there and trust him

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