Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Trying to Deal

I recieved news that my SIL is pregnant again. I am excited for her but my heart ached. In my mind I thought I may be the next one in our family to have to have a child. She is a wonderful mother and deserves all the children she wants. And I am glad that she dosen't have to struggle with infertility. But you all know how the emotions are with this. On one hand I am overjoyed with knowing that I will have another neice or nephew but I am jealous right now and wishing it was me. I need strength to get through this. Below is a picture of my beautiful niece.

Photobucket

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I no how u feel me and my husband have been maried for 11 years and. Been tring to get pregnant for 7 of those years just a few weeks ago i had to not only go but throw a baby shower for my sister i love her and my new niece withall my heart and i thank the lord everyday that she is not like me that she doesnt have to deal with this infertility crap but sometimes its just so hard having to put on the fake smile and pretend like all is well like im. Fine like i dont care

My Quest said...

Dear Sam,

I know exactly how you feel. I was there a year ago when I found out that my SIL was pregnant after only 4 months of being married she41! I had mixed emotions, happy for her, jealous, angry, joyful, fearful, pitiful,you name it I had it. But it was hard. I avoided them whenever I can. it was very convenient for us because we leaved in seperate cities. We made excuse whenever the suggestion to visit us arose.

On the few occassions we visited or saw them I fought all kinds of emotions. I actually had to pray seriously and asked God to release me from whatever it is that was eating me up.
What made it worse was I had a miscarriage while her pregnacy progressed to delievery of a beautiful baby!

They are not born-again, I am, they didn't fasted, prayed or did all I did, yet I lost my baby.

I couldn't get pass what I Imagined the family thought of me. we've been married far longer than them.

Their baby is 3 months old, I have only seen her once due to distance.
But God has healed me of all those emotions.

I'll say this, don't be so hard on yourself, its perfectly normal to feel the way you feel, it's human nature.
I found that praying for them helped eased the pains and feelings of jealousy I felt.

Just hang in there, believe God's word concerning children for you life, it is already done.
Begin the dance party

Faithful Leigh said...

It's such a tough emotion... I know how you feel and know me relating doesn't make you feel any better. Just know that I've said a silent prayer for you.

My Quest said...

Hi,

It's been a long time, hope you are keeping well and trusting God more.

Everything is been going horribly wrong for me late.