Monday, April 12, 2010
My day dreaming
I have been day dreaming in my head what it would be like to be parents. What it would be like to look down at a test that was positive. I can just imagine me telling Anthony we are having a baby. I know I would be over filled with emotion. I want to be able to buy maternity clothes and be thrown a baby shower. I want to be able to share with our families the news that our miracle is on its way. I can imagine decorating the room in pink or blue. I am dying to hold my child in my arms for the first time and look into its eyes. I long to see Anthony hold our baby in his arms and see him filled with so much love for our child. I want my grandparents to have time to spend with my child, I want to spend time with my children playing with Nova and let Tab have the opportunity to be an aunt. Nova has brought us such joy and I want Tab to know what that is like. I want to hold my baby and comfort it in the night. I want to spend my days playing with it and learning it about the Lord. I want to be excited when Anthony comes home from work telling him the things we did each day. I want to share that bond with him of our love creating a child that is a part of him and a part of me. I love him so much and I feel such a close bond with him because of all we have went through and I know that having a child would only make it stronger. I want us to spend weekends having picnics, playing, and going to the toys in walmart. I want my child to spend time with its grandparents and enjoy them. I want to watch it grow. I want to see these dreams of mine become a reality. I know the Lord is able to perform and I am not giving up. The devil tries to make me doubt but I know it will happen. The Lord has not forsaken me and He will never. This is a huge miracle for me but it is a small and easy thing for the Lord to perform. I am like a child asking again and again for something. But He is telling me Child it is not time. Just wait a little while longer. He is going to do this for us….