Monday, March 15, 2010

i've went crazy people

I try and I try to understand but I don't. This is not fair what I am going through. I cannot stand it one more day. My heart is breaking and no one around us seems to notice. I am so tired of being the one who is waiting for life to begin for me. I am so tired of no one understanding how we feel. Oh well, they just go on with their happy lives and we are standing here trying to figure out what in the world we are going to do. I feel like screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it is not like me to be so angry but I cannot hold it in and if I don't write it down I fear I may explode on someone. I don't want to be invited to a baby shower, a kids birthday party. Ok I am sounding a little extreme but I just need a day to feel sorry for myself and then I will be back to my normal self. I apologize to anyone who read this because I am acting childish. I am just frustrated!!!! Pray for me please pray for me. I am dealing with so many things in my life right now. Because of my high blood pressure which they can't keep under control they want me to go on a very strong BP med but she will only give it to me if I go on birth control or quit trying for a while. She said that it was to dangerous to be taking it and to get pregnant at the same time. I wasen't going to do it, I was going to stay on the meds I was on but even with 200mgs. of metoperlol my BP was 158/104 my best one this week was 154/98 I have always had trouble with my blood pressure ever since I was in high school but it keeps getting worse and my heart rate is terribly high. I am sorry for the compaining session just needed to vent with people who understand how I feel.


Alicia said...

I'm so sorry for all of you health concerns. I will be praying for your bp, hopefully they can put you on something else! I know what you mean about needing vent some times. Praying for you and as always wish I could meet up with you for a cup of coffee or something.

Sorry about my blog I haven't had a chance to envite any one over, I've been so busy with stuff. I had to block it.

Jenileigh said...

(((Samantha))) Vent away girl, that is what your blog if for. I understand your frustration and know that it has to be doubly hard to have to stop trying for a while to try and get your BP under control. Just another thing to slow you down. At least when you are trying you are able to DO something. I am so sorry. I am praying for your health and that the Lord open your womb. I pray that you are able to begin trying again soon. Hang in there girl.

Stacey said...

I agree, you are allowed to vent here anytime! We are here to listen and support you. I know it can be SO frustrating when it seems that no one around you understands your pain. Some days are just really hard to bear. Praying you'll have brighter days ahead and that your blood pressure problem will soon be corrected. Of course, I always pray that your wait won't be much longer for a child. (((HUGS)))

My Quest said...

I and I know others who have visited this blog understands and most importantly God understands. Know that we are praying for you.

I'll say this, it is a difficult concept to grasp I try to be happy where I am while waiting for God to take me where I want to be.

Just like you I don't want to visit another baby shower or birthday party, I find lately I am thinking who's going to announce thier pregnancy?

But no matter what always just be still in him, know that in his time, not our time, he will make it beautiful. He knows why we've had to through this, but his way are always perfect.

Ask for perfert healing regarding your BP, he will do it, don't let anything tell you otherwise he is still able.

I am praying with you and know that he is faithful who has promised and will bring it to pass.

Samantha said...

thank you all so much your words have helped more than you know!

Faithful Leigh said...

You don't know me, but when I read your journal - I don't feel so alone. I created a blog today to help me focus on faith and infertility together. It's at this same site under faithfulleigh. Stay strong.