Monday, March 15, 2010
i've went crazy people
I try and I try to understand but I don't. This is not fair what I am going through. I cannot stand it one more day. My heart is breaking and no one around us seems to notice. I am so tired of being the one who is waiting for life to begin for me. I am so tired of no one understanding how we feel. Oh well, they just go on with their happy lives and we are standing here trying to figure out what in the world we are going to do. I feel like screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it is not like me to be so angry but I cannot hold it in and if I don't write it down I fear I may explode on someone. I don't want to be invited to a baby shower, a kids birthday party. Ok I am sounding a little extreme but I just need a day to feel sorry for myself and then I will be back to my normal self. I apologize to anyone who read this because I am acting childish. I am just frustrated!!!! Pray for me please pray for me. I am dealing with so many things in my life right now. Because of my high blood pressure which they can't keep under control they want me to go on a very strong BP med but she will only give it to me if I go on birth control or quit trying for a while. She said that it was to dangerous to be taking it and to get pregnant at the same time. I wasen't going to do it, I was going to stay on the meds I was on but even with 200mgs. of metoperlol my BP was 158/104 my best one this week was 154/98 I have always had trouble with my blood pressure ever since I was in high school but it keeps getting worse and my heart rate is terribly high. I am sorry for the compaining session just needed to vent with people who understand how I feel.