Monday, March 15, 2010
I try and I try to understand but I don't. This is not fair what I am going through. I cannot stand it one more day. My heart is breaking and no one around us seems to notice. I am so tired of being the one who is waiting for life to begin for me. I am so tired of no one understanding how we feel. Oh well, they just go on with their happy lives and we are standing here trying to figure out what in the world we are going to do. I feel like screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it is not like me to be so angry but I cannot hold it in and if I don't write it down I fear I may explode on someone. I don't want to be invited to a baby shower, a kids birthday party. Ok I am sounding a little extreme but I just need a day to feel sorry for myself and then I will be back to my normal self. I apologize to anyone who read this because I am acting childish. I am just frustrated!!!! Pray for me please pray for me. I am dealing with so many things in my life right now. Because of my high blood pressure which they can't keep under control they want me to go on a very strong BP med but she will only give it to me if I go on birth control or quit trying for a while. She said that it was to dangerous to be taking it and to get pregnant at the same time. I wasen't going to do it, I was going to stay on the meds I was on but even with 200mgs. of metoperlol my BP was 158/104 my best one this week was 154/98 I have always had trouble with my blood pressure ever since I was in high school but it keeps getting worse and my heart rate is terribly high. I am sorry for the compaining session just needed to vent with people who understand how I feel.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Lord I am here tonight upon my bended knees. My heart is crying out to you, Oh will you hear me please. There is that longing that’s in my soul, the breaking of my heart. Will you please come by and make this pain depart. I know I’m not the only one, others battles are the same. I believe that you will move for us if we call upon your name. And so we bow before you, upon our knees we kneel. You are the only one who holds the power to heal. I know you’ve answers prayers before we have the proof with Hannah, the power to heal the sick and feed your children with manna. Lord, I am not asking for material things just a child to call our own, I pray that you bless us and fill our empty home. So many nights I have cried upon my bed with tears. The hurt has been in my heart Lord for so many years. The tears they do fall as do the rain, I don’t let people get to close I fear they’ll see my pain. I want to be like them and have a family too, I pray that you have mercy and touch my empty womb. To be patient and wait on you with all my heart I’m trying. With arms wide open you stretch them out and hold me while I’m crying. You are the only place Lord that I want to go, you are the one to comfort me, of this I truly know. You’ve sent me strength and you always comfort me. In debt to you Lord I will always be. Lord I love you so much, I feel your presence near. For I know by my side you are always here. I’m sorry Lord to bother you with this request again. But I know to keep persistence it will be worth it in the end. I rise up from my knees, on my life I look back, you have blessed us so and no good thing we lack. Through our pain we will praise you and to your name we’ll sing. We know you’re the giver of life because you are our King. Samantha