Saturday, June 13, 2009

what a day....

I went shopping today after my Dr’s appointment. The malls are filled with babies, mothers, fathers, grandparents. Everywhere you look families are laughing, shopping, playing with one another. All the toy stores, all the baby clothes. I want to run and hide, I am tired of feeling alone. Just can’t seem to find my place in this world. Everyway I try to go I get a door slammed in my face. My faith is shaken, I can’t believe the shape that I am in. The heartache that feels it is overtaking my life. I just want a life to call my own, a life I am proud of. Can I trade in this life for another? I guess I can get no refund or trade in this scared infertile girl for a fertile happy woman. I want it to be me so bad instead of everyone eles. I need help.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronis fatigue syndrome but now I am seeing a new Dr. and I have to have a bunch of new tests done so please pray for me. I have to have my bloodowrk done next week and then a nerve conduction tests (that scares me) I am hoping they can find something that they can treat and that I will start feeling better.

3 comments:

Ashley said...

Don't give up honey!! ((Hugs))

Stacey said...

I know I'm several days late in reading this, but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you tonight and keeping you in my prayers. Some days can be so hard in this long and difficult wait! I'm sorry you're struggling.

Melissa said...

I know just how you feel. My husband and I struggled with infertility for years. I remember going to Target on my lunch breaks and feeling so heart broken seeing all the Moms with babies...Target is FULL of Moms. I knew God was in control, as long as he was in control I felt like I could face all of this. Not saying it wasn't hard as crud and I didn't have my bad days and cry. We decided to adopt, but that didn't work out so we decided to give IVF a try and it worked our first time. Hang in there and know God is in control. I am praying for you.