Monday, March 23, 2009

I am complaining

I know that there is a part missing in my life. I know that there is a part of me that is somewhere eles. I need to find it. Where is it? I don’t know. Where is the child that I have been praying for? The one I have cried for? The one that I have begged for?
Why is my bodying betraying me this way, what is wrong with me?? Why am I being cheated out of this experience that so many others have so easily? Where is my future? What is my future? I have this deep sense of helplessness and I am overwhelmed with the unfairness of it all. I don’t even feel like a woman, I don’t think I will until I become a mother. This is robbing me of my rights to be what I have always dreamed of. Will I ever lead a normal life, or is the my “normal?” This is not a small problem, to me this is a major crisis in my life. These painful feelings have shaken me to the core. This can’t be happening to us. Will I ever wake up from this nightmare that surrounds me each moment.

2 comments:

Alicia said...

I am so sorry this is such a deep and profound loss. Infertility effects so much it seams no area of our life is free from its grip. I love you and I'm praying for you sister, take heart.

You are loved <><
Alicia

Barren Womb said...

I am about to turn 30, we have been dealing with IF for 7+ years and so I get it. I am always thinking this is not right and that I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life. Money is what is now stopping us from doing IVF and I wonder if we will ever be able to afford it and it we are able to then will it work!?! I am sorry you are feeling this way, I guess it is our "normal".
Hugs To You :)