Friday, January 16, 2009
I have cried to the Lord “please help me Lord, I can’t make it through this” I have felt so much isolation during my suffering. Mostly because I left my infertility a secret for a few years. I have heard people say “You need to have the patience of Job.” I know this is true however after the pain went on and on with Job he eventually cried out to the Lord wondering why this was happening to him. And he was a man of great faith in God. He was an innocent and righteous man that suffered a great loss. People that have struggled with circumstances are all in the Bible. They have poured out their hearts to the Lord in frustration and in heartbreak. At times I have felt guilty because I felt this way, I felt I didn’t have the faith that I should. It is not wrong to feel this way, however we don’t need to stay in this state of mind. Admitting I am powerless is a very hard thing to do. We have to give it all to the Lord. We are in a battle for control. But it is beyond our control. Surrendering to the Lord and giving Him the battle is sometimes hard after we have held onto this problem for so long by ourselves. Admitting that I don’t have all the answers. I have spent a lot of time praying, crying, begging, trying to find a resolution to our problem. But I have no answers. I have come to a place where I know that no matter what happens, no matter how much suffering I have to go through on this journey, I will still love the Lord. He could answer my prayer with just one word. He has the power to allow conception or prevent it from happening. However at the moment He is choosing not to give me a child. I know not the reason. Do in my flesh I think it fair, no. But my spiritual man knows that the Lord is in control. Who am I to question the Lord, really? God knows our needs and he cares about us. He is not punishing us for something we have done. Because when the Lord saves our soul, our sins are to never be remembered anymore. I have felt like I was being punished for something, that if I figured out what it was the Lord would give me a child. This way of thinking is wrong. Besides all of our own thoughts we have an enemy, the devil who will put thoughts in our minds. He will try to make us doubt the Lord because the devil is seeking to devour us, to get our soul that belongs to the Lord. He will put thoughts in our minds against our brothers and sisters in the Lord. Because he is as the Bible says “the accuser of the brethren.” He will cause us to question our relationship with the Lord. That’s why we need to seek the Lord and know the devises of Satan. If I had not gone through this I would have not learned the lessons that the Lord had in store for me to learn. He has humbled me and I am learning more everyday. He has brought me opportunities to speak to others about what I have gone through, I have made friends that I probably would have never met if it weren’t for this. We can use this as an opportunity to witness about what the Lord has done for us no matter the outcome that we have. The Lord is faithful and His mercy endureth forever. You are not alone through this, the Lord is carrying you through. Make today count, yesterday is gone, and we may never see tomorrow.