Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Jan. 6th 2009
In spite of the things that I am facing I can still see how good the Lord has been to me and all the prayers that He has answered for me. It helps me to be able to share my experiences and struggles with you all. And for you to have the courage to all have shared your stories with me. You all have given me much insight on many things. There have been times in my life that I felt like I was hanging on by a thread to happiness and if it broke I would fall into despair forever. I have felt so invisible to other people so many times in my life. Like when everyone is talking the “parent talk” or “birth stories” I feel like I am invisible. I can’t say a word, yet I don’t want to just leave, I am afraid they will see my broken heart that way. My feet are frozen and I can’t move. Do they see the pain in my eyes, can they hear the breaking of my heart? It sounds loud to my ears yet they don’t hear it. Or they just choose not to. Certain people discourage me when I am around them about having a child. I put on a smile and try to please them but sometimes I feel like screaming at them. They give me such discouraging advise. They tell me just to give up and forget about, that some people just can’t have children. Even though I know that is true I am not ready to give up, I just can’t right now. I know that the Lord is in control and with Him on my side I can't give up HOPE!!!