Sunday, December 21, 2008

Trusting the Lord

There is so much grieve associated with infertility. So many emotions on so many different levels. I think that I have went through phases of shock, anger, denial, jelousy, and still am going through many emotions. Right now I am trying to work through on my emotions, relying on God to help me through them. There are days when I may need to be alone and talk to no one, just cry and feel sorry for myself. There are days when I want to be alone and read the Word of God to find comfort and peace. There are days when I need a friend to listen and days when I need advise. I have went through periods when I just felt numb to everything that was around me and all that was going on. I just felt cold. I think that sometimes we have to allow ourselves time to grieve but not letting it take over our lives. I know that this has changed me and the way that I look at the world. I feel like I am missing out on so much. I have been totally convinced by the devil at times that no one cared about me and what I was going through.People keep asking me am I pregnant yet. Don't they think that I will let them know when I am. Don't they know what excitement would be in me. It is hard not knowing when I will finally be a parent. Month after month I have to deal with this dissapointment, this heartache. I have struggling trying to get the victory over this. I have no control of this and thats whats scary. I have to trust the Lord in that that I cannot see. We walk by faith not by sight. I know sometimes it is very hard when the doubt comes into your mind. Knowing that there is a purpose for this happening is somewhat of a comfort for me. Even though I don't know what it is or understand why this is happening I know that I am serving one that does know all things. God has a plan and He is going to answer our prayers in His time and in the way that is Best for us. The Lord dosen't always give us what we want but he will always give us what we need.I have walked along this path and I have fallen along the way but the Lord picks me back up and sets me on the right path and leads me in the way that I need to go. We have to keep trusting the Lord.

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