Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A Broken Heart
Today has been a very bad day for me. So much heartache, I learned today that my Clomid this month did not make me ovulate so I will have to have my dosage increased. My hopes were up so high that it would work this month I just feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride going up and down with my emotions. I wanted it to happen so bad this month and I actually believed that it would. Sometimes I think it may be to hard to bear. This has been a very dark and confusing day. I feel like my dreams of becoming a mother have been killed yet another month. I don't know why I let my hopes soar so high this month, only to fall back to the ground. I feel an overwhelming sense of helplessness, guilt, and despair. It feels like that my husband and I are in a raging storm and we can't see in front of us but all we can do is hold on to each other and cry out to the Lord. We are blessed to have one another to lean on during these times. This battle is hard, there are so many quesions that go unanswered for us. Questions that may never be answered. My greatest fear is staring me in the face, the fear we may never be parents. I don't know if I can face this. I know that the Lord will come by and renew my strength, I know that He holds our hands in the midst of all of this but tonight my heart is broken and the tears fill my eyes.