Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Broken Heart

Today has been a very bad day for me. So much heartache, I learned today that my Clomid this month did not make me ovulate so I will have to have my dosage increased. My hopes were up so high that it would work this month I just feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride going up and down with my emotions. I wanted it to happen so bad this month and I actually believed that it would. Sometimes I think it may be to hard to bear. This has been a very dark and confusing day. I feel like my dreams of becoming a mother have been killed yet another month. I don't know why I let my hopes soar so high this month, only to fall back to the ground. I feel an overwhelming sense of helplessness, guilt, and despair. It feels like that my husband and I are in a raging storm and we can't see in front of us but all we can do is hold on to each other and cry out to the Lord. We are blessed to have one another to lean on during these times. This battle is hard, there are so many quesions that go unanswered for us. Questions that may never be answered. My greatest fear is staring me in the face, the fear we may never be parents. I don't know if I can face this. I know that the Lord will come by and renew my strength, I know that He holds our hands in the midst of all of this but tonight my heart is broken and the tears fill my eyes.

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Sister, I'm so sorry for your deep heartache. I understand the high hopes being dashed to pieces and then the despair that follows. This trial can feel like torture because of all ups and downs. Just remember that in the midst of the storm Christ is the anchor. I will be praying for you to be comforted by His Spirit. Also for you clomid cycle to be a success next month.

You are loved Alicia <><

Stacey said...

Samantha,
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I know the ups and downs, and most of all the fear that it might never happen. Alicia said it beautifully - reach out to Jesus! I know your faith is strong. He is right there with you even (and especially) in the hardest times.

Praying for you today.

foxyCDN said...

I'm another blogger who feels your pain! I am going through the same thing only about to start the Clomid route. Praying for you! Please pray for me!

Jessica