Sunday, August 3, 2008

My dreams of becoming a mother

I am twenty five years old. I am suffering from infertility, I have been unable to see a specialist due to my insurance not covering. My husband and I were married April 2002 and have been trying to concieve ever since. I wanted to have children right away when we got married. I had always dreamed of becoming a mother and now my chance had come. I married my high school sweetheart whom I had went to school with and been friends with since the third grade. We began trying. As the months went by I drew discouraged, but I had no idea what a long road I was about to face. the months turned into years and now here I am six years later still waiting. As these years have past I have watched those around me have children and it seems as if they could get pregnant so easily. I have planned baby showers for my best friends. I even went in with one of my best friends and watched her daughter being born. It was exciting, moving, and heartbreaking all at the same time. I hold babies and it seems so right, like that is what I was meant to be. I didn't pursue going to college trying to make something of myself, I wanted to be a mother. My husband works and I had plans of becoming a stay at home mother. I wanted to be a nurse, part of me still does. My marriage has not been hurt by this we have grown stronger and closer. However there are times when I go through depression and feel like I am such a dissapointment to him. I want so bad for him to get to be father, he will make a great one and he deserves to so much. I want us to know the feeling you get when you look at your child for the first time, or to be called mommy and daddy, to tuck my child into bed, to learn my child about the Lord. There are so many things that I want to do, but I have to be patient. The Lord saved me Feb. 2004 and has done so much in my life. I know that I could have never went through this without the Lord in my life. he has given me hope, faith, and comfort. He gives me strength when I feel like I cannot go on any further. The Bible has been my roadmap. There are verses that have gotten me through the hardest times in my life. And I will post them for you to read. I wanted to write this because I know there are women out there just like me who needs someone to talk to, who feels like there is no one out there who knows how they feel. I just want to be a help to someone who is going through infertility. Feel free tp post your stories, and tell me what you are going through because I need someone to talk to also. Thanks and God Bless each one of you.

2 comments:

Hear My Cry said...

(((((Hugs)))))

Jesus, My Best Friend said...

hey samantha! how cool that we are both from the same area. i totally understand where u are coming from with a lot of what you say. i feel exactly the same way. as far as the infertility specialist, if they are an endocrinologist sometimes your insurance covers. my dr. is covered quite a bit .... my u/s, and visits, even 2 of my meds are covered. i have her number if you need it. it could be something really simple keeping you from getting pregnant. i'll be Praying for you!