Thursday, August 7, 2008



When do I stop? When do I realize it's enough? Why does it have to be me who has it so tough? There are many out there who feel as I do. Yet I feel alone.................................................................

I sit here and wonderIs it ever to be? Will I get to display "The Mother" in me? Wonder in time How the story will end, Will they just be for others-The showers I attend. When’s it my turn I ask God each day, The only answer I get is, “Not today”. I ask only to know what my future might be, to plan and prepare God, please tell me. I just need to know how long to be strong, for sometimes I question my strength to go on. I sit here and wonder is it ever to be? Will I get to display "The Mother" in me?...................................................................

Life’s Greatest Lesson
I would gladly trade places with the women I see. The joy on their faces, why can’t that be me?
They complain of stretch marks,And sometimes of heartburn, their feet may get swollen. Then stomachs in turn. I would gladly trade places with the women I see, but instead battle daily with Infertiltiy.My months filled with charting and days filled with meds, I lie on white sheets of hospital beds. But if I traded places with the women I saw, I’d miss life’s greatest lesson Trusting God with my all.
Don't let them get too close - Too close to see my pain. Because if they look real close, they will see the tears that fall like rain. The room is picked, and baby's things collected. But, inside that empty room, something needs corrected. Because there's a crib and a cradle -There are baby toys and clothes too. But, there is not a baby -No baby to fill this womb. I cannot stop the crying, and my pain won't subside. I'm lost for ways of trying; I've run out of places to hide. The holidays they come and go -All the years that I look back. And now I find the future's grim when I look at what I lack. I try to hang onto hope - I try to wait and see. But sometimes it's hard to cope when I think it may never be. I'm not the only one that finds it hard - Sometimes I wish I were. But, it's the hurt I see in his eyes that digs in like a spur. So tell me where to go from here -Please tell me where to go. Things just seem so unclear, and it has challenged all I know. It has tested and confused me. It has brought me to my knees. And now it's too hard to see, just what you need from me. Is it something I am doing wrong?Is there something I can do? You see, I've been waiting for so long,And I've been crying out to you. Please don't let this be a barren place- In this place where my child should be. Let me see your loving grace. Please bring my child to me. Rock-a-bye baby... I hold you so dear. Even if it's only in my heart that I'm holding you near.

Oh God, you heard the cry of Hannah -Please hear my cry tonight.You made the skies drop manna, and help Israel through their plight.You are able to part the seas, You are the one who is able to heal, you answered the saints on bended knees, and now before you I kneel.I’m not a saint by any measure, but I come to you just the same. I hope that you find pleasure in my humble worship of your name. And please won’t you grant to me this longing of my heart? Won’t you set me free and make this pain depart? I’m not asking the impossible, just a child to call my own. Only you can make it possible -To bring a child into our home. So I bring my broken heart, and I cry a pool of tears. Please Lord give me the part that has been missing all these years.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

My dreams of becoming a mother

I am twenty five years old. I am suffering from infertility, I have been unable to see a specialist due to my insurance not covering. My husband and I were married April 2002 and have been trying to concieve ever since. I wanted to have children right away when we got married. I had always dreamed of becoming a mother and now my chance had come. I married my high school sweetheart whom I had went to school with and been friends with since the third grade. We began trying. As the months went by I drew discouraged, but I had no idea what a long road I was about to face. the months turned into years and now here I am six years later still waiting. As these years have past I have watched those around me have children and it seems as if they could get pregnant so easily. I have planned baby showers for my best friends. I even went in with one of my best friends and watched her daughter being born. It was exciting, moving, and heartbreaking all at the same time. I hold babies and it seems so right, like that is what I was meant to be. I didn't pursue going to college trying to make something of myself, I wanted to be a mother. My husband works and I had plans of becoming a stay at home mother. I wanted to be a nurse, part of me still does. My marriage has not been hurt by this we have grown stronger and closer. However there are times when I go through depression and feel like I am such a dissapointment to him. I want so bad for him to get to be father, he will make a great one and he deserves to so much. I want us to know the feeling you get when you look at your child for the first time, or to be called mommy and daddy, to tuck my child into bed, to learn my child about the Lord. There are so many things that I want to do, but I have to be patient. The Lord saved me Feb. 2004 and has done so much in my life. I know that I could have never went through this without the Lord in my life. he has given me hope, faith, and comfort. He gives me strength when I feel like I cannot go on any further. The Bible has been my roadmap. There are verses that have gotten me through the hardest times in my life. And I will post them for you to read. I wanted to write this because I know there are women out there just like me who needs someone to talk to, who feels like there is no one out there who knows how they feel. I just want to be a help to someone who is going through infertility. Feel free tp post your stories, and tell me what you are going through because I need someone to talk to also. Thanks and God Bless each one of you.